For 3 years, i always dreamt of coming back home and see my childhood friends again. I was pulled out from my country because my Father was working in europe. Being young and satisfied, i never really understood why i had to go away, leave my friends, leave my highschool, and leave everything. I haven't even finished my highschool yet, when i flew to europe. I saw it in a negative way, i never understood it, ofcourse i was younger then. In my first years, i was still connected with my friends and we still communicate, thanks to Friendster that time. But like any other relationship it faded slowly. Thanks to Facebook, our ways of communication was renewed and i talk again with them regularly. That year was the lowest points of my life, I had to speak in german, the culture is very different, and the people were colder. I was tired, exhausted and empty, but back then i just didn't understand why i felt like that, all i wanted was to go back home, live a happy life like what i had before. I missed my friends, i missed them so much, i missed her, i missed him.. for the whole three years, i had the same dreams, i'm not overacting, really, i had the same dreams all over again, it was my friends. You see, we were used to break the curfew just to walk around the subdivision and that was everynight. We drink, standby anywhere, and were really just having fun, and i dreamt of it everynight. That was one of the best memories of my life. innocent, having fun, not thinking of what can happen. I would have never imagined, the things that i am experiencing now would happen.

 After 3 years, not knowing that it was still possible to go home financially, my mom told me that we can go back home, it was January then and we planned to go back on June. Since that January, i never thought about anything anymore, all i thought was, atlast, i'm gonna see them again, be like a child again, because in europe i've become matured, but there still this child inside me that want to go back, a child that doesn't want to let go. I was kinda excited and worried. Worried because i don't know if they changed alot or if i did. When i arrived, my first priority was my girl bestfriend. At first, she welcomed me warmly, we talked a lot in her Restaurant. I wanted to be with them everynight, just like before, i wanted to maximize my vacation there and be with them almost everyday if it is possible. i might sound really clingy, but maybe i was.

The first weeks were good, we standby her restaurant with all of my friends there everynight, but in the morning, i was alone, and bored, She never gave the effort to be with me, i just realized that we are just hanging out because she had to be in her bar and restaurant at night, but not because she made an effort. i made an effort to be with them. And then in the third week, i just felt i have to go away, there's something that's telling me that i am unwanted, it was hurting me, but i decided to ignore it, my mind was set that i will enjoy my vacation no matter what. until we had fights, jealousy, etc., i left my place with misunderstandings with them, when i came back in europe, i was hurting, disappointed and i felt rejected. There are still alot that happened, i was hurting the whole month that i decided just to push the thoughts behind my mind. I would never have imagine that this would happen, for about three years, all i wanted was to be with them, but yet this happened. I felt i lost my friends. My mom told me to let go, they moved on with their lives, and i knew it. I can't just appear after three years and expect everything to be the same like before, i grew up they grew up. It hurts but i had to accept it.

growing up is one of the hurting truth that we have to accept. Friends may come and go, even you're family might be seperated from you. We should always be ready to be alone, people might hurt us, people might leave us and people might reject us, but we have to be strong to go on and never lose hope. Eventually, we will find new friends we just have to be open and be friendly, But be reminded, being open might open opportunity to get hurt, just be strong.